Alright...you got me...

I have lots of things I want to write about right now.  Lots of things I should write about.  Lots of things that would be far more interesting to read than what I’m about to write.  But as I say over and selfishly over again, it’s my blog so deal with it.

It started with a conversation with my Dad over what to do after my year here is over and he kept telling me to stay!  Or do something else!  JUST LIVE!

Then I wrote a long overdue email to my “family” in Colorado that I nannied for two summers ago, but have babysat/nannied for since the now nine year old girl was one years old.  Their response told me all about how Nina is starting new play productions (and getting leads) and how Jakob is over 5 feet tall (which makes him basically my size) and starting baseball.

Then I started thinking about what I’m doing with my life and how like my dad said, at least for now, it wouldn’t hurt to stay in Europe for a little longer.  But to aupair again?  I’m already thinking about leaving Fien and it tears me up inside.  So to go through that again?  I dunno.

Then I watched the 9^th season finale of Frasier (almost done…don’t worry there will be a post about how pathetic my TV life is.)  And Daphne was so in love with Niles that all she wanted was to skip her big wedding ceremony and marry Niles right then and there.  Cheesy? Yes…but still…

At that point I lost it.

I am homesick.

I went into my kitchen and productively cleaned all the dishes, stove tops, floors, sink, and even defrosted the freezer while silent tears streamed down my face.  But I didn’t feel sad or overwhelmed…I just needed to cry.  Later when I skyped home, I told my mom about Jakob and Nina and again tears formed in my eyes.  I laughed it off because I knew it was crazy.

Then this morning I had coffee with Oma Ria.  And I told her how my sister is planning to visit and she talked about when she lived in the US with her Husband (coincidentally, Colorado), and I talked about missing home and she said the best thing ever…

“Some days you must feel homesick.  I think you must miss home or it means you haven’t had happiness.”

Which meant so much.  Why is it the grandmas are always so smart? I almost started crying right there over coffee and cookies.  Heck while typing this there are a couple salt stained drops in my jeans.  And maybe in my wine glass…But I guess it’s all a good thing.

Eventually Oma Ria returned to Holland to watch her two sons find happiness and her two grandchildren grow up.  But she will never regret her time abroad.

And neither will I.

So just please excuse me.

And I will see you all in person soon…

And by soon I mean eventually...when I'm done here...because I'm not yet...and I'm ok with that!

(side note...this picture has a special story...it was a big vacation with my family, but I'm also currently on the phone with HOLLAND as it was taken...that's right, this is me attempting to find an aupair position and the start of this entire year.)

Word of the day - heimwee - homesick