Wednesday, May 19, 2010 got me...

I have lots of things I want to write about right now.  Lots of things I should write about.  Lots of things that would be far more interesting to read than what I’m about to write.  But as I say over and selfishly over again, it’s my blog so deal with it.
It started with a conversation with my Dad over what to do after my year here is over and he kept telling me to stay!  Or do something else!  JUST LIVE!
Then I wrote a long overdue email to my “family” in Colorado that I nannied for two summers ago, but have babysat/nannied for since the now nine year old girl was one years old.  Their response told me all about how Nina is starting new play productions (and getting leads) and how Jakob is over 5 feet tall (which makes him basically my size) and starting baseball.
Then I started thinking about what I’m doing with my life and how like my dad said, at least for now, it wouldn’t hurt to stay in Europe for a little longer.  But to aupair again?  I’m already thinking about leaving Fien and it tears me up inside.  So to go through that again?  I dunno.
Then I watched the 9th season finale of Frasier (almost done…don’t worry there will be a post about how pathetic my TV life is.)  And Daphne was so in love with Niles that all she wanted was to skip her big wedding ceremony and marry Niles right then and there.  Cheesy? Yes…but still…
At that point I lost it.
I am homesick.
I went into my kitchen and productively cleaned all the dishes, stove tops, floors, sink, and even defrosted the freezer while silent tears streamed down my face.  But I didn’t feel sad or overwhelmed…I just needed to cry.  Later when I skyped home, I told my mom about Jakob and Nina and again tears formed in my eyes.  I laughed it off because I knew it was crazy.
Then this morning I had coffee with Oma Ria.  And I told her how my sister is planning to visit and she talked about when she lived in the US with her Husband (coincidentally, Colorado), and I talked about missing home and she said the best thing ever…
“Some days you must feel homesick.  I think you must miss home or it means you haven’t had happiness.”
Which meant so much.  Why is it the grandmas are always so smart? I almost started crying right there over coffee and cookies.  Heck while typing this there are a couple salt stained drops in my jeans.  And maybe in my wine glass…But I guess it’s all a good thing.
Eventually Oma Ria returned to Holland to watch her two sons find happiness and her two grandchildren grow up.  But she will never regret her time abroad.
And neither will I.
So just please excuse me.
And I will see you all in person soon…
And by soon I mean eventually...when I'm done here...because I'm not yet...and I'm ok with that!

(side note...this picture has a special was a big vacation with my family, but I'm also currently on the phone with HOLLAND as it was taken...that's right, this is me attempting to find an aupair position and the start of this entire year.)

Word of the day - heimwee - homesick


  1. Oh Liz, I love your thinking! It's so MORE than okay to be homesick. I get like that every time I leave home. Sort of pathetic, oh well.

    See you kinda sorta soon!!! :)

  2. I remember when I was abroad (only 3 months) I was so incredibly homesick, I couldn't wait to get home! But when it came time to leave I didn't want too. I knew this time could never be replaced and I didn't want it to end. Enjoy your time. The people you love will always be there when you are done with your adventure.

  3. How true is the advise of Oma Ria! It makes me miss my grandmothers! It just shows you that your family raised you in love and it's that love that you share with the families you aupair!

    Enjoy your time and remember home will always be there for you!

  4. Being away from home is difficult, i understand that.... but i loved the way Oma Ria has put it.. maybe that is the ultimate truth behind it all....

    Hugs to you...

  5. So wise, Oma Ria. Yes, everyday can't be a sunny day. It's almost like you have two homes now, and both have an emotional pull on you.

    Hang in there.

  6. I get homesick after a week away on vacation. How pathetic is THAT?! I must know a lot of happiness then? I like that though - to be homesick is to know happiness. It makes sense too :)

  7. Great words!!

    I definitely went through some tough times in my first year in Mexico... it took a few really difficult experiences to finally break through to the other side where I could start to form my own life in another country.

    I think you'll know when your time is up in Europe. Maybe there will be a point where you feel you've gotten all you want to out of it, and you'll feel at peace with leaving. Don't rush it and just go with the flow, is my advice :) Who knows? You might even be there to stay!

  8. (ps can't want to read your power balance blog post!!!)


Isn't it amazing how we all live for comments? So please...don't let me starve.


Related Posts with Thumbnails